When it comes to premature ejaculation, open communication, empathy and a focus on mutual pleasure are essential elements. More than that, there is certainly nothing embarrassing about it. What would be embarrassing, though, is if you don’t finish off your partner afterwards 🙂


In this article I will discuss about what exactly is premature ejaculation, its causes and how to prevent it. Moreover, at the end of the article I will also tell you a few tips and tricks about how to talk to your girlfriend about it without feeling awkward or ashamed.

Without further ado, let’s dive in!

What is premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation is a type of sexual dysfunction that occurs when a man has an orgasm and releases semen sooner than he or his partner would like. It often happens before or shortly after penetration during intercourse. It is the most common type of sexual dysfunction in men according to the American Urological Association, impacting about one in five men between the ages of 18-59. What is more, between 30% and 40% of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their life.

Premature ejaculation oftentimes is a frustrating experience for both the man experiencing it and his partner and more often than not it makes sex lives less enjoyable. The good news is – it’s fixable!

Moreover, now that we covered its definition, let’s discuss the other important aspect. And that is…

What time frame medically defines a man’s ejaculation as premature?


According to the American Urological association, when we talk about ejaculation as being premature, it means that it occurs sooner than desired – either before, or shortly after penetration. This causes distress to either one, or in most cases both partners.

In medical terms, the American Psychiatric Association defines three levels of severity in premature ejaculation: mild, moderate and severe, with “mild” being under one minute.

Therefore, many doctors will define prematurity as ejaculation within a minute of beginning intercourse.

Leaving professional opinions aside, don’t forget that your feelings as to what is premature exactly also matter and are very important.

What are the causes of premature ejaculation?

Some men experience premature ejaculation from the first time they’re sexually active, while for others it develops later. Premature ejaculation can be caused by a series of factors that can be either physical and chemical or psychological and emotional.

Physical and chemical causes:

  • Low dopamine or serotonin levels (the chemicals in the brain that are involved in sexual desire and excitement).
  • Problems with the thyroid or prostate glands.
  • A penis that is extra sensitive in simulation, which is naturally prone to premature ejaculation.
  • An underlying erectile dysfunction diagnosis.

Psychological and emotional causes:

  • Performance anxiety – if one is nervous around his new partner, or feels anxious of having sex again after a long period of abstinence.
  • Lack of confidence, guilt, being overly stimulated.
  • Anxiousness about being caught masturbating can develop into persistent premature ejaculation.
  • The strict moral views on sex and masturbation may cause anxiety about sex, which often leads to this sexual condition.
  • Stress.
  • Depression.
  • Relationship problems.

No matter the causes, make sure you remind your partner that you are there to support them and encourage them to be open about this, by talking with you or a specialized doctor about any incidents in the past that may have caused the premature ejaculation.

That being said, it’s important for couples to feel safe when talking to each other about their feelings and needs. If you don’t create a “safe space” to talk about your feelings, one of you may experience feelings of loneliness and this fact can exacerbate fear and resentment. Here are some tips to consider when addressing premature ejaculation.

How to talk to a woman about premature ejaculation – Tips from Sophia

Sophia Vilner

Hi, guys! From my experience, premature ejaculation comes with both physical and emotional consequences for men. Not rarely, men have come to me in private and told me in shame that they are going through hard times regarding this issue and don’t know what to do.

This is why, for me, it is important that a man who experiences such sexual dysfunctions has the courage to talk about it. For this exact reason it is important to create a safe space for him. And that’s why, of course, the partner makes the difference. A patient woman that is willing to help and to actively listen can easily help a man overcome this phase.

…So, how do we talk to a woman about this? Well, by simply:

Choosing the right time and place

Make sure you find a private and comfy setting where both of you can feel relaxed and free to talk openly.

Being honest and direct

Take a moment to “think before you speak”. Approach the conversation with sincerity and just be yourself. You can start by saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about our intimacy lately, and I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me.”

Expressing your concerns

Always assure your partner that you care about their pleasure and that you are willing to work together to find solutions for this. Basically, share the concern about how premature ejaculation may be impacting your relationship or your partner’s satisfaction.

Reassuring your partner

Be mindful and make sure your partner fully understands that premature ejaculation is a common issue that MANY men experience. This has nothing to do with diminishing your attraction to them or changing your feelings towards them.

Encouraging open communication

Be open! Discuss together potential solutions for managing premature ejaculation. Try different sexual techniques. Incorporate more foreplay. Use condoms. Use even desensitizing sprays. And remember, you can always seek professional help from a therapist.

Being supportive and patient

Don’t think for a second that addressing sexual concerns isn’t challenging for both partners. Be patient with each other as you work together to find solutions. Offer each other support and encouragement along the way.

And last, but not least…Educate yourselves. Take the time to learn more about premature ejaculation together. The Internet is full of resources available, and there are many books that can provide information on causes, treatments and strategies for managing it.

Managing premature ejaculation

There are several self-help techniques that can help to make a difference, such as:

  • Masturbating an hour or two before having sex will make controlling the ejaculation a lot easier.
  • A thick condom can and will decrease sensation and help to prolong sex.
  • Taking breaks during sex or pausing when you are close to ejaculating, can help train the body to delay the ejaculation.

What is most important, in the end, is to commit to treatment together. Stand with your partner on this journey. Change usually takes time, but it is possible if both of you are dedicated to growing together. I hope this article will help you have a better understanding of premature ejaculation, and more than that, that my advice will be helpful when addressing this issue to your partner. Sophia out!